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We’ve just had a week in the Lake District staying in a lovely yurt in a beautiful wood.

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It would have been gorgeous and perfect had it not been for a few…campsite irregularities.

The entrance was a bit private, more barbed wire and combination locks. The campsite reception buildings were those of a deserted wood yard. Felled trees,

 

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logs, sawing machines, empty wooden buildings, near vertical gravel tracks in all directions and no people.

IMG_3272.JPGThe signs indicated that we were in a woods that makes forest fuel. It looked as though it was a fairly large operation.IMG_3273.JPG

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Our yurt was half a mile from the main entrance up a series of these steep winding tracks. Each twist and turn revealed more large empty wooden buildings. A bar, a grotto, a toilet block, open and closed sheds. There were several clearings with wooden stump seats and fire pits. There was a pond, three yurts all separated by woods and undergrowth and all on different levels. All the buildings and clearings were deserted and empty.

 

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There was also a natural amphitheatre and enormous stage for events in the wood. This yielded more clues.

At the top end if the amphitheatre was an unusual campsite welcome mascot- a 20 foot tall primary schoolesque voodoo/wicker man effigy.

 

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The back of the stage had posters:

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After we left we followed the clues and found we were staying at the home of “Pancosmic Pyromanticism”. The Pancosmic Pyromantics stage many events a year which involve dancing on the stage in the woods wearing rams head and phallus masks and flames leaping all over. The whole site gave me the creeps and I’m really glad we were not there during any Pancosmic Pyromantic events.

The site gave me the creeps before I found out what went on at the main amphitheatre. Walking to the toilet at night with a three year old wearing the head torch was like the opening sequence from the Blair Witch Project. I’m a jumpy kind of person so was never able to watch beyond that first part of the film. Night time toilet trips were therefore an ordeal. Meeting ramshead or phallus mask wearing Pancosmic Pyromantics popping out from the undergrowth and carrying flaming torches would have finished me off.

Despite the unusual nature and creepiness of where we were staying we did have a good time. Though I will not be returning.

 

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